Constant state of offended

I'm losing faith in humanity.

If you're a blunt and honest person,  you're an asshole.  If you dance around the issue, you're a saint.

Sure, I could say things nicer.  I could sugarcoat it, but why?  We're all adults, and if you know me well enough, you know that I am really blunt when you ask for my opinion and I am truthful to a fault.  I'm not going to lie to you, I see no point.  It doesn't further things between us and it makes me sad/angry to be lied to.

Here's the deal from now on:  if you don't want me to be blunt, then don't ask for my opinion, my thoughts, my feelings.  If we're friends/family and you don't want my frank honesty, then you probably shouldn't tell me the things you don't want me to comment on.  You know me, I'm not one to hold back.  I've had years of everyone telling me exactly what they think of me, how I'm fucking this up or fucking that up, and now when it comes time for you all to know what's up...oh...look...I'm so mean.  I'm not going to pussyfoot around the real issues.  Chances are other people have tried to tell you the same thing and they were too nice, too sweet, too scared to hurt your feelings.  I'm not actively trying to hurt feelings.  That's not my game.  That's not who I am.  Who I am is a person who knows you well enough and loves you enough to tell you what others want to, but won't because they don't want to upset your delicate sensibilities.

You want to be blunt with me?  Please, by all means!  I encourage it.  No one asked me if I wanted it all the years they've given me their open and honest opinions, please don't start now.  Give it to me straight when I'm screwing up so I can get my shit handled and get back on track.  Be warned, if you dish it, you better be able to take it when the shoe is on the other foot.


I needed to get that out.


On a much lighter note, the past couple weeks have been a blast!  My family and I took a vacation to the beach and it was so peaceful, I want to go back already.  Then Brandy came with her son for a visit and it was just amazing.  We had so much fun.  It's awesome to know that just because you have 1600 miles separating you, when you're together it feels like there never were all those miles to begin with.  After that, Francesca came with her family and I got some major baby loves.  I sure love those chubby cheeks.  I bet she was overwhelmed that day!  We had a lot of fun.  I miss all of us friends getting together and just talking about everything.  We ought to get together more often.  Nothing is stopping us local ones.

I got my letter in the mail about starting school.  Only a little over a month left until classes start.  I finally got a little bit of clothes for it.  I need to go get the stuff to dye my hair.  I do believe light pink is in order.  I want to feel like a unicorn.  Perhaps some lavender at the ends?  Who knows.  I guess I'll just have to see what I'm in the mood for.

Hopefully a new tattoo in the next couple months.  I can't wait!

The going on of things and stuff

End of June and beginning of July are going to be big fun happy times for my family and I.

First, we have Jaina's 8th birthday tomorrow and we're celebrating with a weekend at the beach.  We haven't been to the beach since Jayce was a little guy.  It's going to be so much fun.  Cool air, sand in between my toes, cold ocean water, seashells, clam chowder.  RELAXING.

July 1-7th Brandy and her son Gideon are coming to visit us!  We haven't gotten to see Brandy since I was 7ish weeks pregnant with Jayce.  She's never gotten to meet my son.  It's so crazy.  I am beyond excited, we have so much catching up to do, so much wine to drink, so much fun to have.  We plan on taking them to the water park, swimming at our gym, BBQ-ing, 4th of July at the Steelman household, all sorts of things.  I just can't wait to see her.

July 8-10th Francesca, Shaun, and baby Beans are going to be in Visalia.  Anyone who wants to come out and see them, we're going to meet up at 7pm at Buffalo Wild Wings for copious amounts of booze and shit talking.  Feel free to join the festivities.  I can't wait to kiss on that baby's cheeks.  I can't believe she's almost a year old.

I get like 2 1/2 weeks of super awesome fun times.  The it's back to regular ol' #momlife.

Now, to get to work on making tomorrow a special day for Jaina.  She doesn't know it, but I plan on taking her and Jayce to see "Inside Out".  I keep hearing great things about it.  She's asked to see it several times, so I want to surprise her.  She asked to go out to breakfast too, we'll see about it.  I'm going to get her a small cake (always waste a big one), and I plan on decorating after she goes to sleep.

A boring entry, I know, but I'm trying to keep up on the habit of writing every couple/few days.  Deal with it.

A day in the life...

Most of my weekdays look exactly the same:

Kids get up, I get up (yeah, they get up before me...and then they bug me every few minutes until I give in and get up myself), eat, field a million questions, get asked to do a zillion things that they know perfectly well how to do themselves, pick up after a never ending mess, lose my mind, play a game/read a book/ watch a show that I'm bound to get interrupted every 2-5 minutes on so I get frustrated and quit, figure out what I'm going to make for dinner, do dishes so I can make dinner, feed the troops, pick up after dinner, watch shows with the family or play games, bed time routine that seems to get longer every night, then put the kids to bed and send them back to bed far too many times to count and eventually they pass out.  I game with Jayson or watch the shows I couldn't watch during the day or read until way too late because it's finally quiet and I can actually think and then go to bed and start the process over again.  Weekends vary because Jayson is home with us and it makes my life easier.

The point of this?  I don't get how some moms do it.  How do the ones with more than 2-3 kids handle life?  All the noise, all the extra clutter...how do they not run away to Mexico and live on a beach with a cabana boy to serve them cocktails with little bamboo umbrellas?  That's what I want to do most of the time.  Of course, they hug me or kiss me or tell me they love me and don't ask me for something immediately afterwards and it erases some of the things that were pushing me to the brink of insanity.  Really though, how do these other moms have time to put away all the clothes and keep the house spic and span and do things with their kids?  

I'm the type of mom that puts the people before the housework.  I know my house is messy, I accept it.  I pick up as best I can and I have days that are deeper cleaning days than others to try to catch back up.  I feel like I never get ahead.  Do you other moms feel like this?  I do, a lot.  I feel like I'm in these 4 walls more often than not because going out in the heat with the kids brings up a whole other set of problems that make me want to hole up in my room and never come out.  

Parents:  What drives you freaking batty about being a parent?  What do you do to overcome it?

I've lost patience over the years for things like noise or clutter...these things irk me more and more as the days go by.  What about you all?  What is the big annoyance for you?  Kids, no kids, whatever...what drives you crazy that you encounter often?  Let's put each other at ease with our neurosis.  

Where is my non-judgmental maid service who not only cleans my house, but makes me drinks and cooks and amazing dinner all before Jayson comes home from work?  

Investing feelings in the imaginary

I love TV shows.  So many different shows.  Some of my big obsessions are Game of Thrones, Orange is the New Black, Doctor Who, Silicon Valley, The Office, etc.  After the kids go to bed, if I'm not gaming, I'm immersing myself in one show or another.  I tend to lose myself in them, lose all track of where I am, what I was doing beforehand, and time.  I throw my feelings into these shows so completely that when I come back to real life, I'm left with a hangover so to speak.  

Tonight I got that from two separate shows.  I won't say what happened as I hate spoilers, but man, I really feel hollow hours later.  How silly is this?  I do this with really exceptional movies and very much so with books.  I read The Fault in Our Stars and from about half way through the book, I ugly-cried the rest of the way through.  For a day or two I had puffy eyes and I was just at a loss.  I knew it wouldn't end well, but I can't help myself, I simply get lost in a good story.  I can tell when I find something amusing but not touching...I don't feel anything afterward.  If a story is well told and a character gives me some emotion to invest in, I am hooked.

I wonder how many other people do that.  Take for example The Office...I love this show.  Probably more than I should.  When Jim told Pam that he loved her for the first time and got rejected, I cried along with him.  When Jim asked Pam out on a date and she accepted, I felt that excitement too.  I know it's so silly, but I just can't help it.  I invest myself in the imaginary.  

I think this is why I have such a hard time sitting down to actually write the book I want to write.  I am worried that I'm going to write something that no one will feel like I do.  That people will read it and they won't feel the emotions in it...they won't get hooked on the characters like I already am in my mind.  Am I ridiculous in this?  I know people get stuck on books like this, but is this why it's so hard to write it? I don't know for sure, but it's making sense to me.  I have two different stories I want to write and both of them seem to give me trouble translating them from my head to the paper.  I need to get over it already.  I have time before I start school again, I really need to get going on it.  I don't know if I'll finish before school start, but I won't finish if I don't start.

Sorry, I know this post isn't very interesting.  I just noticed how I was feeling after these shows tonight and thought maybe writing about it would make me feel better. My show hangover is a mighty one.

Let's start this off right

Alright.

Hi.  I'm Kasia, and this is my new blog.  I'm not 100% sure what it will be all about yet, but as the title suggests, it will have to do with hair.  Specifically my adventures through starting cosmetology school in my mid 30's and juggling that with being a mom and a wife.  

Currently I'm a stay at home mom, which means people think I'm lazy and I've become lazy to fit their expectations.  In reality, I run around like a chicken without a head, play with a 4 year old on demand, watch more kids movies/shows than I ever wanted to in my life (though, for transparency's sake, I do watch some cartoons for myself.  I'm only human), take my daughter 25 mins each way to school and home, to jiu-jitzu classes a few times a week, try to make it to the gym, cook the meals, and attempt to clean the house.  If you've seen my house, you know it isn't always the case.  These kids are living tornado's and I don't think you can tell a force of nature to stop messing stuff up and expect it to listen.

I'm also married to Jayson and I love him to death.  Sometimes I want to karate chop him in the face, but most of the time we're good.  We're gamers, and currently we're addicted to EverQuest.  Don't hate.  


Now that all that junk is out of the way, let's get down to business.

I signed my life away to Marinello Beauty College today.  I read up on several different schools in the area and though I also liked Paul Mitchell, their application process put me off to attending there.  They wanted 2 head shots and an essay in addition to all the other hoops one must jump through to give their soul to a tech school.  The essay didn't bother me, I found it a bit odd, but I could do it.  It was the head shots that bothered me.  They didn't want 2 head shots of what I can already do with hair/makeup, they wanted 2 head shots of ME.  Why?  What is the point of that?  I feel like that is judging me on things I don't think are relevant.  Can I learn the required information?  Can I retain it?  Can I perform it?  Cool, then that's all you need to know.  Yes, I understand that the entire industry I'm getting into is the beauty industry and it's all about looks, but why do they need to know what my face looks like in order to accept me into their school?  Give me an aptitude test and an interview and let's discuss whether or not I fit the school AND whether or not it fits me.  You'll see my face in the interview.

That was not the only reason I didn't sign up for Paul Mitchell, but one of the reasons for sure.  

Classes start on August 17th.  I am excited and glad I get the summer to spend with my family before I start.  It feels good this way.  I was going to start on June 22nd, but decided that was too soon and I wanted to have fun with my kiddos and enjoy Brandy's visit in early July.  When school time hits, I will be ready to go.  I really can't wait.  

Until I start school, this blog will probably be boring.  Who am I kidding?  This blog will always be boring.  Hehe.  I intend on not only writing about school (though it will be the bigger focus), but about anything that strikes my fancy.